I was thinking

I have been back in the states for an entire, well let me see . . . almost 5 days and it has been sort of weird. I have been gone for fourth months and returned to very familiar things, but not so familiar if you know what I mean. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same (you can't replace the salt on the icy roads smell in Nebraska) but it just feels different, and I suppose that is because I am different in some way or another. I don't feel different but if everything else is the same it has to be me. I can't really explain why everything feels different but it is. I love to drive or at least I did before I left, but right after I got home I took a 2 + hour drive down to Hebron, Nebraska and back and then a 6 hour drive up to Minneapolis and I didn't find it all that relaxing. I used to find driving around relaxing and gave me time to clear my mind and think( yeah I know strange when everyone else seems to get frustrated and angry driving). But it actually felt a little stressful as I took that long drive up to Minneapolis on Tuesday. I think part of it is I was jut a little unsure of my own abilities after being gone so long and there was blowing snow over the Interstate, but I just don't think that was all of it. Even though I had driven this road many times over the past couple years it felt alien. Almost as if it was completely new to me as if I had never been over that stretch of pavement before. The scenery seemed strange and dead. Yeah I know I just came out of the desert what could be more dead than that, but you would be amazed at the amount of green out in those desert areas. The snow and white covering that I used to enjoy and look forward to so much each year now seems like the surface of a strange planet that I just stepped out onto for the first time. Ok this even sounds a little strange and sort of rambling to me now but I am at a loss to explain the feelings. It is like trying to slip your hand into your well worn and used baseball glove that you have been conforming to your hand for years and fitting your hand like a second skin only to find out when you put it on that it is now stiff, small, and uncomfortable. It is not what I expected when I was on my way home from overseas. I expected to slide that glove back on my hand and feel its comforting fit hug my hand and feel the supple well used leather stretch and move with every twitch and flex of my fingers, and it doesn't fit like that any more. So is it time to buy a new glove and start working it back into the comfortable fit that feels good on my hands or work at getting the old glove back into playing forms and stretching it back out to reform to my hand now. This is a big decision because I am supposed to be graduating in May and have made plans to continue on with two more years of school towards a counseling degree but is that where I am supposed to be going. Well I just wanted to write out what my mind was tumbling with but am not sure it makes much sense now that I have written it so I apologize if I have lost you. Well I will be heading back to Omaha Saturday afternoon to get ready for class starting Monday morning. Hope you have all had a good start to the new year and the prospects for the months to come are looking bright and joyous.